I can very much relate to this. Just the other evening, I was “put on the spot” by a friend who doesn’t understand the disconnects between my thought-forms and spoken words. She seemed to think I was afraid to speak. But there’s more to it than that. Way more. And it’s frustrating to deal with people who equate non-verbal states with lack or disability. Sometimes, I just have a different way of processing and experiencing ideas and communication.
I often struggle to translate my thoughts into either speech or the written word.
Sometimes I lack the particular executive functioning powers required to organise and synthesise what’s in my mind, to present it to an external audience. At other times, the very fact that I have set myself the task of writing means that I have made a demandof myself. I have told myself I “must” write. And the moment my brain seizes upon the notion of the imperative, some inner refusal mechanism kicks in.
But very often, it’s something far more mechanical.
I found myself in a Twitter exchange a few months ago about how there are times when I’ll have phrases, sentences, paragraphs, and entire, in-depth arguments and treatises swirling around in my mind, only to discover that – when I attempt to commit them to the written form – they are not there.
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