Asperger’s / autism and shame…

Ah, the inner life of the spectrum…

the silent wave

This morning, I realized I had lost my keys.

This isn’t the first time.

In a furious combination of panic and extreme annoyance, I tornadoed through the apartment…flipping over pillows and blankets…knocking clutter out of the way…emotional torrent rising quickly with each failed effort.  This Aspie is prone to that.

The usual, predictable inner-disciplinarian came to life, in its “outdoor” voice.

How could I be so careless?  How could I be so stupid?

I retraced my steps…to no avail.

It doesn’t help that I remember announcing to my partner that I had them with me, in my jacket pocket, as I stepped out of the apartment last night.  (Thus, verifying that my keys were indeed with me, and not somewhere in the apartment.)

It doesn’t help that I only visited one “sitting place”, where I spent two and a half hours talking with a friend (yes, on the phone!), as…

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#ActuallyAutistic . info – the place to find #autistic blogs signal boost

actually-autistic-logo

For the past several weeks, I’ve been working with the curator of The ActuallyAutistic Blogs List, coming up a way to display all those hundreds of blogs, based on categories. Here’s the first “go” at generating topic-specific lists of blogs by #ActuallyAutistic bloggers. The main list continues to be curated — and what a mammoth undertaking that must be! I’ll be creating additional versions of this list, which allow for more filtering. But for now, feast your eyes upon all this:

Autistic Mothers with Autistic Child(ren)
http://actuallyautistic.info/aa-signal-boost.php?bloglist=amac

Autistic Fathers with Autistic Child(ren)
http://actuallyautistic.info/aa-signal-boost.php?bloglist=afac

Autistic Mothers without Autistic Child(ren)
http://actuallyautistic.info/aa-signal-boost.php?bloglist=amwac

Autistic Fathers without Autistic Child(ren)
http://actuallyautistic.info/aa-signal-boost.php?bloglist=afwac

Female Autistic Non-Parents
http://actuallyautistic.info/aa-signal-boost.php?bloglist=fanp

Male Autistic Non-Parents
http://actuallyautistic.info/aa-signal-boost.php?bloglist=manp

Non-Binary Autistic Non-Parents
http://actuallyautistic.info/aa-signal-boost.php?bloglist=nbanp

Other Autistic Blogs Non-Categorized
http://actuallyautistic.info/aa-signal-boost.php?bloglist=oabnc

So…about that empathy quotient quiz ~ from an (one) Asperger’s / autistic point of view

I’m laughing as I read this… WTH does electrical wiring repair have to do with empathy…? Exactly. 🙂

the silent wave

I need to make one thing (OK, two things) very clear: the first is, I did not arrive at my Asperger’s/autism assessment lightly.  I don’t think I have a cavalier bone in my body.  The second point is, what follows is strictly my own opinion, at this particular point in time and space.   I’m not claiming to speak for anyone else on the spectrum.  The truth is, we’re all different anyway.  Hell, I might be different tomorrow than I am today.  (Might we all?) 🙂

Some people would disagree with my self-diagnosis, wondering how on earth I could arrive at such a claim so objectively.  Actually, they aren’t wondering; they’re making a statement, punctuated with a question mark, so that they don’t have to own the accusation they’re making.  Those People will get their own post, probably in the near future.  But I digress…

Back on point.

One of…

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Pathologizing Autism? Let’s Discuss.

Well worth considering – and really re-considering the pathology approach. Personally, I’m not a fan, tho’ I do see how it can be useful.

Emma's Hope Book

People argue that we have to pathologize autism because if we do not, families and Autistic people cannot obtain much needed services.  People say that it is one of those unfortunate things, but given the confines of our system, it’s the way it works.  People say that those who argue against the medical model for autism are not considering those who are more profoundly affected by their autism, those who require 24 hour care and assistance, people whose bodies cannot and do not do what their brains tell them, so much so that they cannot live without daily support.

I would love feedback and links from those who are Autistic favoring a shift away from pathologizing language and your reasons why.  I am particularly interested in hearing from those who are themselves, or who discuss people who are, in need of round the clock care.  If you have written about this, or have…

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I’m sorry…

Great post!

Autism and expectations

Saying “I’m sorry” doesn’t mean I don’t still have to do the processing.

I know you’re sorry you’re late. You’ve broken a small social contract, and sorry should be enough to mend it, but it’s not the social contract that is troubling me.

You’re sorry you didn’t let me know that plans had changed. You could have, but you didn’t. The sorry should fix any upset caused by your actions, but it’s not the upset that is troubling me.

You’re sorry that you turned up with a couple of extra people, you hope that’s ok, a sorry and a packet of biscuits should cover any change to catering needs, but it’s not the catering issues that are troubling me.

My life is built of stories.

There’s the long story about where I came from, where I’ve been, where I want to go.

There’s the more immediate story of what has…

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And so it began…

This sounds familiar….

Anything Maureen

I’ve never fitted in. Not really anyway. My whole life I have felt like the odd one out. Even in kindergarten I knew the other kids were different, or rather: I was different. Not that I thought that they were all the same, I certainly don’t remember it that way, but if according to George Orwell some are more equal than others, I was definitely more different than others.

It’s hard to completely describe what that realisation does to a child. I know I never felt good enough, partly because of me being different and partly because I was made to feel not good enough. Such experiences have a lasting impact.

On my continued search for the reason why I never fitted in anywhere I did a lot of reading, because that is what I do, that is my safety net. With zero humans to turn to, books were all…

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About all this arguing

What FloJo said earlier

All this arguing about matters autistic gets wearisome.

argument-both-sides-mod

I understand it’s important to us.

argument-one-side-right-black-white-fuzzy

But there is so much we do not know, that we don’t understand – including the experiences of others.
argument-one-side-left-neon

We literally don’t have the capacity to fully judge others. Logically, you know it’s true. As autistic folks, especially.

So why do we keep doing it? Why do we get so up-in-arms in a way that’s logically indefensible?

Why?

four people arguing, two facing each other, two walking away

Guest post – Had enough with the “Autistic police”

Imagine, if you will, someone who has been autistic without knowing for their whole life. Alienated. Overwhelmed. Confused. Trying, and failing, to fit in. Exhausted from trying to meet invisible and often unobtainable standards.

Then they finally discover what “autism” means via self or official diagnosis. Lightbulb moments. Gradual new understandings. A minefield of (sometimes inaccurate or misleading) information to wade through, to assimilate, to make sense of.

And with this research they find people with shared experience. Finally, people who understand! That feeling of alienation? It lessens each time a new connection is made, a new friendship is forged, a confusion is cleared up.

And then all hell breaks loose. Maybe you didn’t understand what low/high functioning meant. Maybe you used the word aspergers rather than autistic. Maybe you read a book by a neurotypical author. Perhaps you publicly suggested that your newfound social circle could have a name. Perhaps you didn’t personally research the scientific data when you repeated something you heard.

And now you are right back at school.

Somehow it’s apparently deemed acceptable for other people to ridicule you, to swear at you, to block you for using the “wrong” words. For not understanding the political implications, for being emotionally honest. This sounds familiar…

And, hold on a minute… who are these online twitter police? Other autistics! Do they not understand how much damage they do to someone with a sensitive disposition? Are they aware of the irony, when they attack in this fashion, that those of us in the actually autistic community do not hold with “theory of mind” or “lack of empathy” theories.

I’ve really had enough of this behaviour. I avoid much social interaction so as not to have to witness bullying and I certainly don’t want to have to see it in my twitter feed either. I don’t think that autistics attacking autistics is acceptable. Many of us use Twitter as an opportunity to reach out, to share, to comfort, to laugh. Let’s keep that safe.

  • flojoeasydetox

How it feels to find your Tribe

So much this. So much this. ❤ ❤ ❤

the silent wave

Seven and a half months ago, I attended a professional conference.  The subject material appealed to a small-but-growing niche of forward-thinking visionaries, and the energy in the ballroom had been mounting gradually throughout the day.  Finally, with glee, one of the presenters exclaimed, “I feel like I’ve found my tribe!”

Little did I know that less than seven weeks later, I would stumble upon a discovery that would lead to me toward a tribe of my own.

I had, up until that point, led a life of relative loneliness.  When the evidence of my spot on the autism spectrum first began to grow, I felt even lonelier.  Of course, I was also relieved and set free; I now had a valid reason behind all of my miscellaneous quirks, needs, and emotional responses.

No longer was I simply “different” or “quirky”; it was Real.

The invisible wall that had always cordoned…

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