I think this has gone on long enough. Time for a hiatus.
I started this blog back in 2008, when I was really grappling with my autistic identity. There was so much that seemed like it needed to change, and I wanted to call that out. I wanted to shed light on what is very confusing for a lot of folks who don’t understand Autism, but want to.
So, I did that. I shared. I posted. I posited. I conjected.
And then people were mean to me. They didn’t even bother trying to understand what I was saying and where I was coming from. They were just mean-spirited bastards.
That’s not what I signed up for.
So I went underground.
And resurfaced 8 years later… early 2016, just in time for “Autism Awareness Month”. Ugh.
And I blogged some more. A lot, actually. Hundreds and hundreds of posts. It was cathartic. I thought I was “having an impact”, as they say. And it was fine.
Once again, people showed up with the intention of being mean to me. Only this time, it was people I considered friends, in that online “community” way. People I’d interacted with. Who suddenly decided I didn’t pass their purity test. And they attacked me. One of them came after me, first thing on a Monday morning. That person is a respected “thought leader” in the Autism community who’s been writing a lot and getting positive press. Some of what they say is spot-on. But still, I can’t even tell you how nasty they were to me, over something that wasn’t intentional.
And over the following months after that, even the following years, the tone and flavor of discussion about Autism has continued to be as upsetting to me now, as it was before. I really don’t see much changing outside of myself, although I’m sure there’s been progress. People with more stamina and a more pronounced sense of mission have been Very Very Busy doing Big Things. And I’m sure it’s making an impact.
But I just don’t have the energy for it, anymore. And frankly, I’d rather just be Autistic in my little corner of the world, which means I center my attention and focus on the things that matter to me most, never mind what the rest of the world wants.
I have other projects happening. I have Fascinations that light up my life. I’ve spent far too little time on my Fascinations, over the past years, as I was outwardly focused on Making The World A Better Place, by trying to foster understanding. It’s worn me out, and I’m tired of it.
I’ll leave the fighting (and in-fighting) to the people who are totally into that.
And I’ll leave this blog where it is. I won’t take it down, because I think there’s a lot of good stuff here. But the return on investment is just not great. And I need things to feed me, in return for all the passion I put into them.
Nobody can run forever on proverbial fumes. Not even someone as ideal-driven as me.
I may come back to it, in another 8 years. But don’t hold your breath. Who knows what the world will be like then, anyway?