Good grief, this has been a rough handful of weeks. I’m cycling through periods of feeling normal, feeling energized… and then feeling so wiped out and depleted and uninterested in anything. No motivation, no interest in motivation, no inclination (or seeming strength) to do more than the absolute minimum.
Oddly, I’ve been pretty productive at work, but I’ve been participating through a haze… not feeling much connection with any of it, at all. And I’m on the verge of tears, a lot of the time. When I go for my mid-day swim, I end up weeping in the pool. Fortunately, I’m usually the only one there. And I pull myself together and keep going.
Because I can. And I know this will pass. With me, it always does. With other people, it doesn’t. But with me, I manage. I just need to get through to the other side, without having this derail my entire life.
I’ve made a deal with myself: no matter how low I feel, I need to get moving and do at least a bare minimum of the things I need to do.
No matter how I feel.
I’ll just get on autopilot. I don’t need to feel anything. I don’t need to enjoy myself. I don’t need to connect with the work. I just need to get things done.
It’s bad enough, I feel this grey and diminished… but to have the rest of my life be impacted as a result… that’s even worse.
No. Not today. Not for the next few days. Not for the next weeks. Or months.
Keep dragging. Just keep dragging.
Git ‘er done.
Autistic Ultra 
Very relatable post! I think I’ve been doing something similar. Very crazy-making at times! ❤️
With any luck, this’ll make you smile/chuckle: just yesterday I wrote the notes/outline for a second post on depression. As alone as you may (or, hopefully, may not) feel, that’s how alone you’re not. With any luck, one of your cycles will get stuck on the normal-to-up-side 😊❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha! That did make me smile. Thanks 🙂 Good luck with your post.
LikeLike
A kind greeting
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s what I did for many years, and I commend you on your strength. It’s not so easy to just keep going and get it all done, no matter how hard you try. The fact that you can, makes it all the more impressive.May you find the end of the dark tunnel soon.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Everything I do on my pinky blog is exactly this, a journey through a jungle of depression. Blogging has been lifesaving on some days. ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
It really does help, doesn’t it? The worst days are when I have no time to write — or really sit down and think clearly about writing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Git ‘er done. Pretty much how I’ve pushed through life.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeap. Head down, pushing through. Relief comes on the other side, when I can just check out and immerse myself in what matters most to me.
LikeLiked by 1 person