Good grief, this has been a rough handful of weeks. I’m cycling through periods of feeling normal, feeling energized… and then feeling so wiped out and depleted and uninterested in anything. No motivation, no interest in motivation, no inclination (or seeming strength) to do more than the absolute minimum.
Oddly, I’ve been pretty productive at work, but I’ve been participating through a haze… not feeling much connection with any of it, at all. And I’m on the verge of tears, a lot of the time. When I go for my mid-day swim, I end up weeping in the pool. Fortunately, I’m usually the only one there. And I pull myself together and keep going.
Because I can. And I know this will pass. With me, it always does. With other people, it doesn’t. But with me, I manage. I just need to get through to the other side, without having this derail my entire life.
I’ve made a deal with myself: no matter how low I feel, I need to get moving and do at least a bare minimum of the things I need to do.
No matter how I feel.
I’ll just get on autopilot. I don’t need to feel anything. I don’t need to enjoy myself. I don’t need to connect with the work. I just need to get things done.
It’s bad enough, I feel this grey and diminished… but to have the rest of my life be impacted as a result… that’s even worse.
No. Not today. Not for the next few days. Not for the next weeks. Or months.
Keep dragging. Just keep dragging.
Git ‘er done.