Preformed Performing

Fantastic post. And Melanie Yergeau’s paper is excellent, too.

Reflections on my life and activism after re-reading “Clinically Significant Disturbance: On Theorists Who Theorize Theory of Mind” and being so tired & wordless lately.

I have been a painfully honest person performing a preformed lie. Obsessed with accuracy in every other area of life, I still found myself trying to blend in. Trying to be as accurately inaccurate to who I am as is Autistically possible.

I am tired, wearying more. The purposeful breaking of character (that character whom I spent my entire life trying to be) grows ever more essential to my wellness and ability to survive, let alone thrive.

I cannot keep up the façade, however carefully constructed and curated after years of trial and error.

I do exist beneath that outer surface. There is a person in here, an Autistic person who doesn’t want to constantly try and perfect what will get the least amount…

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