Oh, this is ridiculous.
What do you do, when your boss doesn’t have a strong personality, they have a lot of political conflicts, and they don’t handle criticism very well? And other people like to “pile on them” with criticisms and complaints, which they lose their sh*t over?
You end up like me.
And you definitely don’t want to be me, right now.
The stuff that’s imploding around me has been blown out of proportion by people who are all jockeying for position in a shifting, re-organizing company. Everybody’s jockeying for position, striking a pose, and up in their heads about every damn’ thing.
It’s a terrible time to be empathic.
Good thing I’m working from home, today.
You know, this job really wasn’t a good idea for me to take. I mean, it has helped me in a lot of ways, but it’s also taken a toll. My boss is a big part of it, as well as my alexithymia. It’s incredibly difficult to gauge how you’re really doing, if you can’t read other people or your own internal state. And when your boss keeps you at arm’s length for a year or two and won’t cut you in on basic information about how things work, it’s even more of a pain in the ass.
I know I shouldn’t get worked up over all this. I’m probably blowing things out of proportion, myself. And I’m in a position where I could literally take six months off and not have (too much) financial trouble. I could literally leave today and have the spring to myself.
Or, I can hang in there for another 8 weeks till I get my bonus payout, and then… sayonara! Yeah, I’ll stick around for another couple of months, collect my biweekly paycheck, and actively look for another job. Then, probably whether I have something lined up or not, I’ll make my exit. This is seriously not going to work for me. Seriously.
In the meantime, I guess I’d better get to work… This sh*t isn’t going to solve itself. And I don’t want to leave it hanging. I do have some standards left…
I just have to find a way to quit perseverating about the stuff I screwed up, and just strap in for the next little while. Turn off my head. Focus on some other interests. Screw it. Let it go. Quit worrying about it. Just live.
And get on with my life beyond this dumpster fire of an employer I’m stuck with.