So good to be home again

House outline with a door, two windows, pitched roof, chimney
Well, that’s done. I got my business trip handled, and I got home about 1 a.m. this morning. Wouldn’t you know, I had an early conference call I had to participate in, and it wasn’t one of those “Uh-huh, yeah, uh-huh” kind of participations where I could be half-asleep. I had to do a demo of a contentious piece of software I “own” and am rolling out across the whole company). Fun! People either love it or hate it, and they have all kinds of questions and complaints I have to work pretty hard to not take personally.

I’ve been working on that… And I’m much better at it now, than I was when I started this job 2.5 years ago.

So, that’s positive. And as long as I can keep myself grounded and using my common sense, I’m fine.

I’m just incredibly tired, right now. Gawd, am I tired.

Overall, I think it was a good trip. That’s my version of the story, anyway — from a business standpoint. When people ask me how it was, I don’t dare say, “Oh, it was a grueling gauntlet of inane conversations, vacuous activities, and tiresome office politics. I never want to do it again. Ever.” That would be the truth, but that will never “fly” in the business environment.

Oh, my God… the more I think about it, the more I realize the most annoying thing about where I work now, is how positivity is compulsory. It’s not optional. Nobody — but NOBODY — is allowed to be critical or “negative” out loud. You’re not allowed to have any misgivings, you’re not allowed to have any reservations. You’re not allowed to be cautiously optimistic. Everybody’s GOT to “be on board” and working pro-actively towards a positive future.

You can get honest behind closed doors, but out in public, you have to be all gung-ho and go-team-go. That’s about as UNlike me, as you can get.

And that’s probably the most tiring thing of all. Just keeping up that level of forced enthusiasm, having a firm handshake and making confident eye contact. OMG, I just feel like a caricature of some frat-house “good buddy” when I do that.

But everyone around me loves it.

So, yeah, it’s good to be home. Where I can drop the whole go-team-go act and just be my version of normal. Not “negative”, not “positive”, just me. Neutral as neutral can be. Which is how I like my emotional states.

Okay, one more meeting, then I get to lie down and take a nap.

I’m due…

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