Filling my head with whatever-ness

three people talking - two on either side, with person in the middle with head filled with words
This is how I experience more than one person talking – especially when they’re talking about things I’m not very interested in.

I had an interesting conversation with a bunch of other autistic women, the other day. We were talking about how we feel when people are talking “at” us. Many of us had the same type of experience. For me, it’s like all the words come into my head and get jumbled up inside, and I can’t make sense of them. I’m not processing them, I’m just kind of “skating along” doing a damn’ good impression of following. But ask me what’s really going on, and I couldn’t tell you.

I want to follow. I really do. I just don’t have a lot of luck being “in the moment”. My processing speed is slower. I need to translate words into pictures in my mind, get those pictures to interact, and then translate them back into words (if I want to reply to others, which is always a big “if”).

Lately, I haven’t been doing a lot of talking. Or writing. I’ve been on hiatus from blogging, compared to my usual torrent of words. But I’ve been communicating in other ways. With code. “Talking” to machines — web servers, in particularly — telling them what I want them to do… and eventually getting to a place where they’re answering back with the kind of results I’m looking for. I’m pretty pleased with my progress. It centers me in a very big way. And it’s the kind of thought process that just soothes my whole system.

And the computer isn’t filling my head with a lot of chatter I can’t sort out.

That’s a huge plus.


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