I was talking to a couple of different folks over the past few days, and the question of aging came up. I’ve got a birthday in another month (exactly), and I always think about my “trajectory” ’round about this time of year.
How have I been doing over the past year? Am I happy with my progress? Where could I have done better? I can always do better, so where can I make some positive changes?
And while I’m actually doing really well with myself, right now — I’m healthy, I’m happy, and I am so much better able to manage, now that I’ve got the whole Autism mystery identified — I wonder what it will be like in the future.
How will I get along? I don’t have many friends. My family isn’t in any position to take care of me. My nieces and nephews don’t seem to realize I exist, unless I’m standing right in front of them. I have no kids who can take care of me, when I’m older. And how long will I be able to work?
There are a lot of unknowns for me.
And the thing that concerns me most, is probably how I’ll handle myself in medical situations in the future. I notice myself becoming “more autistic” as time goes on, less inclined to communicate, stumbling more, shutting the world out more. While that’s all very well and good while things are going well, what about when I need help?
Will I even be able to articulate how and why I need help? Or to what degree?
I just don’t know.
And I need to figure something out. Because the unfolding pattern of that thought isn’t particularly encouraging.