Stella and the imperfect #autistic storm

person wading through keep snow on a winter hike in the alpsWe were supposed to have an awful, terrible winter storm yesterday. It was supposed to shut everything down for two days in the area where I live. Driving home from my parents’ place in Pennsylvania on Monday, we passed one sign after another on the highway warning about blizzard conditions for both Tuesday and Wednesday.

Well, it’s Wednesday, And it’s a bright sunny day, with beautiful blue sky and white puffy clouds floating around. There’s snow on the roads in places – especially on the back roads – and the sides of Main Street are piled high with plowed snow. But in terms of Snowmageddon, this was pretty much a non-starter. If anything, it was just another winter storm like many we see in New England. In fact, it was one of the less dramatic ones.

We’ve had storms in the past that dumped 27 inches on us in the space of a day. We’ve also had years where one storm after another dumped several feet of snow on us, day after day, and the snow was so high, I couldn’t see many of the big rocks in my backyard. I know we’ve had a lot of snow, when my backyard is a flat white surface. That rarely happened this year, and it certainly didn’t happen after Winter Storm Stella yesterday.

All of the drama and all of the anxiety about Stella reminds me of the drama and the crisis that often gets spun up around autism. I just spent four days with people who are very spectrum-y, and not once did I feel like there was something wrong with me when I didn’t make eye contact, or I stimmed, or I flapped my hands. This was true both inside my parents’ house and outside. My quirky nature has always been seen as just who I am in the place where I grew up. That doesn’t mean it was easy growing up there, but it does mean that all of my characteristics which the mainstream considers dysfunctional are simply considered attributes of my personality, which needed to be adjusted or mitigated or managed in some creative ways, to make it possible for me to interact effectively with my family and the larger community.

It seems to me, that the drama around autism is roughly akin to the drama the people in southern states feel when they get 6 inches of snow. All hell breaks loose, everything grinds to a stop, and the regular flow of life is completely disrupted. For those families who are not comfortable with the characteristics of autism, or who have different standards of behavior and being, I would imagine having a child who does not conform, does not comply, and seems to ostensibly have no capacity for doing so, would be roughly the equivalent of living in a tropical climate and getting 6 inches of snow in a day’s time.

For those of us who are familiar with heavy snow storms, we take a 27 inch storm in stride, and to have the equipment and the attitude and the skills to handle heavy snow falls, it’s really no big deal. Likewise, when you understand the rigors that accompany autism, and you can read the signs, you can adapt, and you adjust accordingly. It’s not at all a horrible epidemic pox that brands you and your family as rejects for all time.

That all being said, with autism awareness month is right around the corner, it seems like everyone is gearing up for yet another version of winter storm Stella. For those of us who know how to handle these things, it’s not always that big of a deal. Of course, it’s not easy, sometimes it’s damned hard, and it takes concerted work, just like clearing 1.2 metric tons of snowfall from your long driveway. But it can be handled. We can deal with this. It’s not the sort of thing that happens every single day to every single person, and we all handle ourselves with greater or less or degree is a facility, but still, it needn’t be a catastrophe, when it does show up.

As for me, today I am enjoying the snow. I am enjoying the last throes of winter. I am really enjoying the fierce cold snap, which makes my internal thermostat kick in and warm up, and I know from experience that whatever Mother Nature sends my way – whether in the form of snow or my autistic tendencies – I can deal with it. It’ll take some work, and it will take some doing, but it can be done.

And it doesn’t have to be a huge fucking deal.

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