I’m at War With Myself – Parts of My Autism People Can’t See

YES to so much of this. Seriously, there’s just no point to me disclosing any of this to people. If they know, they just treat me like I’m impaired and can’t fend for myself. If they don’t, they just expect me to go along with everything they do, to mirror their activities and interests… and like it. Augh! Please. Small wonder, I isolate. I just can’t deal with all the demands… and the lack of support.

Anonymously Autistic

Sometimes I feel as if I am constantly in a battle with myself. Fighting against irrational thoughts in my mind, and unpleasant sensations in my body.

Constant nagging in my mind – “You might have left the door unlocked.” When I know very well the door should be locked. “You forgot to water the dog.” Despite leaving them with a full bowl.

Social anxiety tells me I’m not good enough and I have to remind myself that I only feel that way when hanging around the wrong people or large groups.

It’s like my adrenal gland is extra jumpy. I feel the surge of chemicals flowing through my body, making my heart and mind race. It used to cause panic attacks, but now it happens so often that I’ve learned to recognize the feeling and breathe through it. The sensation is unpleasant and can also lead to sensory overload or…

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