Keeping on keeping on keeping on…

board game with pieces
I’m the yellow one… or the red one… depending how I feel, from time to time

I’ve got a busy day ahead of me. I’m going on a business trip from Monday to Thursday, and I have to get all my “ducks in a row” before I leave for the airport at (gulp) 3:45 a.m.

I’ve gone through the gamut of thoughts and feelings about this. Seriously, there should be a Kubler-Ross type of cycle for my business trips, which I’ve had to make once or twice a year (sometimes four or five times a year), for the past five years or so.

  1. Horror – OMG, they are not making me travel again! Don’t they know I suffer terribly when I’m off my schedule and I don’t get to sleep in my own bed?!
  2. Denial – Maybe it won’t happen, after all. Maybe I can talk my way out of it. They don’t really need little ole me there, do they?
  3. Dismay – The talking didn’t work. I have to go. Oh good Lord, what will become of me? The last ___ trips I went on turned out okay, and I even had a good time, but I’m positive this will be an exception to that rule.
  4. Disgruntled Acceptance – OK, fine. I’ll go. But nobody can make me enjoy myself. I’ll just stick to the basics, discharge my duty, expend as little energy as possible, and hope to just get through it all.
  5. Grudging Anticipation – Google Maps tells me there’s some interesting stuff nearby. And I’ll have some time to get out and explore on my own. Maybe this won’t be so bad, after all. I compile my list of things to be done, and I get on with preparing for the excursion with shades of increasing acceptance.
  6. The Trip, Itself – It starts, it goes, it ends… and along the way, I learn some more things, I meet some new people, and I come away having expanded my social repertoire, since I can be a total idiot around total strangers, and they won’t even notice, because they’re so worried about looking like idiots, themselves.

Right now, I’m in between stages 5 and 6. I have a ton of stuff I need to do today, so I can wake up at 3:00 a.m. (the thought of it is far more traumatic than the actual doing of it, I’m sure)… and I can just get my breakfast, hop in my car, and scoot to the airport. At that time of morning, I don’t expect much traffic. But who knows if they’ll be doing road repairs.

Fingers crossed.

I’m sure it will be fine. Maybe even better than fine. Maybe it will be fun.

6 thoughts on “Keeping on keeping on keeping on…

  1. This field was intentionally left blank

    As someone who travels a lot, I can definitely relate! Nicely put 😊

    Is this the trip to a place near me?? I’ll be in that town on Wednesday! Partner has class at a school there; I’m free during lunch! ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Samantha

    This post made me laugh, but only because I realised I have a list like this I go through, emotion-wise, as well. It’s different from yours (usually mine ends with Scared anticipation, in which I am both elated to go abroad again and terrified things will go wrong, people won’t like me, etc.). I hope your trip will be a good one and you’ll enjoy yourself lots! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. VisualVox

      Thanks! So far, so good. It’s not a stellar success, but at least I’m getting through it. And I’ll be home in another couple of days, which I’m very much looking forward to.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Sounds similar to my list. It’s worse when they make me travel for a meeting that even includes a voice conference because my input is “so important” I need to be there in person. Sorry, just happened to me last week, so still smarting. 🙂

    I did find something useful and technical to do while I was there, so it wasn’t a complete loss. Usually I hole up in my hotel when not working when I travel, but last week I made myself go see some things outside work, which was fun. I think? I know I enjoyed them while I was there. The process of getting to them and getting everything in order was a bit stressful.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. VisualVox

      Oh, lord… the curse of being “important”. I’m in the same boat, because I run a program that’s central to the Big New Initiative that’s consuming everyone’s attention (and budget), and I’m the resident subject matter expert on it. Plus, the people I’m working with at HQ (1,949 miles away from my home) are a bit on the timid side, so they look to bold, daring me to lead them into the future. For the record, if you can figure out how to deal w/ your own autistic high anxiety, that skill translates… like, everywhere. I’ve gotten to the point where the angst is just background noise. It’s extremely uncomfortable background noise that exhausts me, but I can function in spite of it. But I really hate being forced into positions where I have to.

      Anyway, I did have some productive moments, when I got to do what I wanted to do, but they were too few and far between. For the most part, my insecure, neurotypical workmates felt compelled to cluster together like herd animals being circled by wolves, and they really wanted me to tag along for the ride. The “ride” included going to loud BBQ joints, a sports bar in a cold, old, echo-y warehouse, a loud restaurant where we were seated at a table right outside the door to the kitchen, and an eating area at the airport that had live music with loudspeakers some 15 feet away from me.

      The horror. The horror. Four days of this… Yeah, I’m done. Stick a fork in me.

      Liked by 2 people

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