I can so relate to so much of this. Finding a pattern to focus on for a few minutes, till equilibrium returns… coming to life over things that fascinate me, then retreating back into awkward silence (never knowing if I’ve put others off with my sudden burst of uninhibited exuberance)… and wondering how everyone just does that, and enjoys it. I’m SO happy the holidays are soon behind me/us.
Winter is a time of events and social quandaries. This year I have been kinder to myself about ensuring I get some recovery time. It’s so important. Such a huge part of self-care.
At a party I’m often coping at my limits. I suddenly feel like I’m made of corners, I’m aware of every angle of my body and it’s all wrong. I stand, awkwardly, trying to make myself fit into the scene. I struggle to understand what people are saying to me.
Every once in a while conversation crosses into something I have an interest in, and I can feel this light come on behind my eyes. I speak, animatedly, about my passion. It isn’t about me fitting into the scene anymore, I shine out of it. I glow. I feel a part of it all.
Then it passes, and I step back.
Sometimes I take refuge in talking…
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