The whole point of managing my lows = so I can get to my “highs”

hikers on a trail walking into a valleyI’ve got a “spikey” profile, for all the stuff I can do extremely well, versus the stuff I struggle with.

When I’m good, I’m very, very good.

But when I’m bad, it’s horrid.

So, it’s in my best interest to manage my trouble spots, so I can just get on with the rest of my life and be the spikey best autistic person I can be.

I mean, what’s the point of having extreme talents, if I never use them… because I’m so caught up in managing my issues.

I’ve been giving a ton of thought to this, lately, and I feel like I spent a lot of 2016 coming to terms with my shortcomings and limitations. That’s been good and necessary, but it’s also prevented me from effectively making the most of my strengths and talents, which are numerous and transformational.

This coming year, I plan to develop a more comprehensive set of “tools” for myself, to manage my issues in a consistent way, so I don’t end up getting surprised / blind-sided by my shortcomings, and end up spending a lot of time dealing with the stuff that holds me back.

I know better than to keep doing what I’ve been doing. I’m a grown-up, and I need to behave like one. Life isn’t fair to me. But it has skewed in my favor in significant ways. So, those are the areas where I need to focus more attention, this coming year.

Indeed, why wait till 1/1/2017? I can go ahead and start now.

And I shall.

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2 thoughts on “The whole point of managing my lows = so I can get to my “highs”

  1. The spikey aspect is pretty rough, though I’ve mostly been able to mask it even at its worst simply by being able to peak beyond what most people believe is possible. The most extreme case was when I was writing an application that was highly complex addressing a very serious issue during a time where in addition to being an undiagnosed autistic person, I also had undiagnosed sleep apnea and undiagnosed celiac disease. I had done a lot of the visible stuff and various pieces tying it together but was really struggling with the core of the application. I couldn’t focus for more than a few minutes at a time in the office. It’s pretty clear to me now that I just couldn’t handle the environment along with everything else.

    With the deadline looming, I told them I needed to get away from distractions and went home and basically wrote the whole logic core of the application over a weekend. My story at work has always been that I wrote the whole application in 3-4 months, which they found amazing enough. I never told anyone that most of that time was mostly treading water and maintaining equilibrium and I actually wrote the largest and most complex piece in a single weekend. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. VisualVox

      That sounds really familiar. I know the feeling of not NOT putting things together, and needing to remove myself entirely to be able to simply think. I often find myself “spiking” in the eyes of others, when I really consider my actual performance sub-par, or not nearly up to what I could do, if I were operating under more favorable conditions (alone, in a controlled environment, not interrupted constantly by ambient noise, sounds, vibrations, and allowed to lie down and nap when I’m maxed out). It’s the ultimate irony, that we are forced to work in situations that seriously erode us, and then we’re congratulated for being slightly above mediocre… when different conditions could allow us to produce truly stellar work.

      Liked by 1 person

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