No longer pretending

Awesome post! Sounds like an excellent plan!

the silent wave

I’m not sure exactly when it happened, but a little while back, sometime after finding out that I “have” Asperger’s/autism, I shed part of my mask.  I realized I’d been “acting” all this time, and I gave myself permission to drop the act (at least, most of the time).

The reason I’m only writing about this now is that I only became conscious of this act-dropping and permission-giving more recently.

During an insomnia bout last week, I verbalized to myself the following…

I’m just going to be me.

If I need to stim, then I’m going to stim.  (Sometimes I have little choice; I can stop if I really concentrate, but the minute I begin to focus on something else, the stimming resumes.)  If I want to rock back and forth, then I’ll rock back and forth.  I find that very relaxing.

If I want to be straightforward, I’m going…

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9 thoughts on “No longer pretending

  1. This field was intentionally left blank

    Omg thank you, luv! Very kind of you 😊😊

    Oh–I noticed that your reblog button disappeared! I know that’s a WordPress problem right now. Any word on that? Or could it be my outdated desktop browser (lol)? It was there recently, but I know that updates can happen suddenly. I wanted to share one of your posts. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. VisualVox

      Dang it! I don’t know why that happened. I turned it off… then on again… still no dice. Argh! Well, you can always use the PressThis thingie — you can save it as a bookmarklet. But that missing reblog button is a problem.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. This field was intentionally left blank

        Cool! Thank you for pointing the Press This thing out to me. You’re probably going to laugh (I did)–I hadn’t seen that before! Lol 😊 I’ll certainly use that. Do you know if it works the same way as the Reblog button? Does it credit you as the original author and give a link back to your site? ❤️

        Liked by 1 person

      2. VisualVox

        It’s not exactly the same. It doesn’t credit the author, but it does link back, I believe. Play around with it and see… Ugh, I can’t believe Reblog has disappeared! Maybe they want to keep my noise down? 😉

        Like

  2. Still struggling to drop the mask, myself… It’s like a reflex after 48 years even though I know it’s frying my nervous system. Also, talking to yourself out loud is an aspie thing? That makes me feel better, LOL

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m sure I’ll eventually find a balance, but what I am noticing now after finding out I’m autistic is that I am hyper-aware of everything I do that is ‘off’ and I get self conscious, which makes me nervous, which amplifies whatever I was doing that made me self conscious (usually struggling for words) to begin with and it turns into a negative feedback loop. I finish most workdays exhausted and barely verbal as a result.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. VisualVox

        I hear you… been there, myself.

        You know what helped me — and helped take the pressure off?

        1) Realizing that nobody (but NO-body) was paying any attention to me. They were too caught up with themselves to notice dorky ole me.

        2) Comparing myself to others and realizing that – hey! – I’m not bad at all. Other people run around wreaking havoc left and right, and they never think another thing about it, while I make myself literally ill, worrying about what harm I’ve done.

        3) If I were really a bad person, I wouldn’t care — so I must be a good person, after all!

        Liked by 1 person

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