Feeling like I need to let some stuff — and people — go

vacuum cleaner creating a clean path on a carpet
Time to firm up some boundaries and make sure my path ahead is clear

My life and perspective seem to be changing rapidly, these days.

I’ve been connecting with people (at last) who are on my same wavelength. And I’ve really started to dig into some new interests of mine, which are bearing fruit. I’ve also revived some past interests.

And it feels like I need to make some room.

My life is getting crowded, and it’s starting to bug me.

Because the old stuff and the out-dated connections I have with people are taking up space and time that I’d rather use for something new.

I’ve been cleaning my house. Not just rearranging things, but removing things. That coffee table that’s been in the way in the dining room. That pile of stuff that needs to be put back in its place. Stuff I should have thrown out long ago.

I’ve also been rethinking some of my interpersonal connections. I haven’t been on Facebook much at all, for months, and that’s a massive relief. It’s good to not get bogged down in the stuff that’s swirling around there. And when I go back to see what people are doing, I realize I really don’t care. I’m happy for them, but the stuff they care about has absolutely nothing to do with me and my life.

I hate to say it, but the election has really made it plain to me, who I can safely be myself around, and who I need to be guarded around. I work with a number of people who support a candidate who’s been openly aggressive and dismissive and downright cruel to people like myself, and as well as I get along with them, I can’t seem to separate them from the candidate. It’s a shame — but it’s also a blessing. Because the last thing I want, is to be under any misconceptions about who my real friends are. I have trouble with that. And I need to be more discerning and “choosy” when it comes to who gets my valuable time and energy. I’ve dissipated too much energy on people who had nothing to offer in return.

One of those people used to be my best friend. She never treated me well, now that I think about it. That’s been a common theme with my “best friends” over the years. They’ve never treated me right — always treated me like I was there for their own enjoyment and entertainment. Disrespectful. Dismissive. Undermining my marriage and my self-confidence. Huh. Funny, how I pick ’em. Anyway, my now-former-best-friend has since gone on to start her own business and consult with all sorts of high-flying professionals. She’s left me in the dust. Doesn’t have time for me. So, fine. Why am I still considering her a friend? It’s time to let that one go.

I’m also planning on cutting back on the time I spend with my executive function coach. I drive an hour each way in metro-area rush hour traffic to see her, and I often feel worse when I leave, than when I arrived. She’s got some indispensable knowledge that I need to navigate other aspects of my life, but I need to stop doing all that driving. It wears me out. I’m going to look around for a therapist closer to home who knows about the autism spectrum. I have a list of possibilities from my local Aspergers/Autism support organization. I can use the neurological expertise of the EF coach, but I also need to talk through my life with someone who understands the intricacies of my individual autistic life.

I have an autistic women’s support group meeting tomorrow night, but I feel like I need to do more. I need to take better care of myself… really, really take care of myself… get the support I need, find a sounding board to talk everything through. I talk to myself constantly, but I could use another person in the room — who actually knows about Autism/Aspergers — to do a reality check. That’s all I need, actually — just a competent individual who can help validate or critique my thought process and offer a possible counterpoint, so I can make sense of things.

We’ll see how this goes. We’ll see…

Advertisements

10 thoughts on “Feeling like I need to let some stuff — and people — go

  1. I had to let so many people go. I was awakened to self-esteem. I realized my convictions of honesty, justice and loyalty weren’t meant to be compromised so I could fit into the lives of those who didn’t hold these truths dear. I heard about other soft empathetic souls like me, but never met any. I was surrounded by psychopaths my entire life,sociopaths, sucking my delicious and perpetually naive innocent life force. I didn’t understand what it was that made me vulnerable for most of my life. Female Aspergers makes me the perfect foible and plaything for Dark Hearts. Tease me, taunt me, hit me, scream at me, shun me, lock me away. I accepted it all and always came back later for more. I was modeled to believe this was ‘love’.

    I dropped all of my family. I dropped many ‘friends’. I created a sacred space in which to build my esteem and reinforce my energy field. I’ve spent my life giving my art and music away because I believed it was true work. It was nothing anyone taught me. It was intrinsic to my nature. Make stuff with Love and put it out into the world. I’ve been harassed for this my entire life. Told it is weakness. Recently I learned it is an ancient kind of magic. Recently I learned many of my aspie traits are echoes of traits for shamans in many cultures. Such as split gender and sense of alien origin. I realized all of these assholes who have made me feel like everything I am is wrong, should be fixed, etc. have absolutely nothing to offer and in many cases, held me back deliberately. Not to keep me safe. To keep me from shining too brightly.

    To all of these people, the haters, the violent child abusers, the mindfuckers and energy vampires, I cut the cords, I let go. My space echoes with my Love and good intentions. Everything changed when I let them all go.

    I only wish there were a Female Asperger’s group here.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. This field was intentionally left blank

    I really, really love this post! I’ve written something similar on my “other” (miscellaneous) blog. For me it’s a potpourri of mild grief, relief, regret, elation, and freedom/liberation. I feel lighter afterward, though, and any negative feelings dissipate pretty soon after. I realize that I don’t really miss those with whom I’ve severed ties. I just feel “cleaner”, simpler, less complicated, more focused. I find that I have to do this every so often and it ultimately feels good; I end up being glad I did it. 😊 Do you experience anything similar?

    I’m sorry you’re having to go through the stress that precedes this type of “cleansing” process. It’s not fun reaching that point. Very chaotic and can be (or become) overwhelming at times. Some people are energy-drainers. Some love drama (or at least thrive on it). Ugh. No time for that.

    I’m glad to see strong people say “that’s it” and take charge. Very empowering. If that makes sense lol 😊

    Liked by 2 people

    1. VisualVox

      Thanks – yes, it is very difficult for me to “let people go”, because it feels like I’m giving up on them. But over time, I’ve realized I just don’t have a lot of time to spare on people and situation that offer nothing in return. So, out come the proverbial trimming shears – snip-snip-snip to those ties that bind me down. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. This field was intentionally left blank

        Exactly. The way I see it, and in case it helps, I look at those who have chronically taken without giving anything back as having already given up on me. Which makes it (a little) easier for me to let go in turn 😊💐

        Liked by 1 person

      2. VisualVox

        I have to admit, I love it when people “give up” on me. It saves me the trouble of excising them from my life. Everybody’s happy 🙂

        Like

  3. Emma Schade-Stylli

    Like a snake, shedding it’s skin to make room for the new. Perhaps scary and exciting rolled into one? Nothing to feel bad about! I think most of us do it from time to time. Transformation …. Good luck x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. VisualVox

      Like a snake, indeed. In the Chinese calendar, I’m a wood snake. I love snakes. And they seem to like me, too. Transformation… yes. What I wouldn’t give for a rock in the sun, to just curl up and sleep for a while…

      Liked by 1 person

  4. My psychologist says I’m easily led and therefore easily manipulated. It took me years to figure out my ‘friends’ are attracted to me for that, and many of them used me on momentary whims for emotional dumping or validation without reciprocating. I’m loyal to a fault and blind as a bat about people. Totally get your struggle to clear out your life, I’m doing the same thing. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. VisualVox

      I totally take people at their word. What is it with people who take advantage of that? I seem to be surrounded by them. I guess I’m an easy mark. But eventually I figure it out… So, all is not lost. And over time, I’ve learned what to watch out for. Sometimes, anyway.

      Liked by 1 person

What do you think? Share your feedback - and feel free to share this post!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s