Update (9/9/16) Why go non-verbal, when all of a sudden, I’ve gotten a big rush of followers and readers to my blog? Okay, so a 200-300 a day for the past week isn’t exactly an avalanche, by blogosphere standards, but it’s a considerable jump over the 50/day I’ve been getting for a number of months.
Why stop using words, when suddenly my words are getting seen, and discussed?
Well, first of all, while my recent posts have been near and dear to my heart and have really hit home for a number of people, they take a lot out of me. They just pour out, and then I take a look at them, and I’m like “Whoah – so that’s what’s really going on with me? Intense.” My non-verbal self, which is very very oriented towards visual-spatial and tactical details, which doesn’t think in words, which sees problems and issues in terms of dynamics and experiences the things To Be Done as distinct sensations, doesn’t always connect up with the verbal side of my self, so the two operate in tandem, in parallel, rarely connecting. And when they do connect — surprise!
So, I need to really process the things I’ve written lately, including my recent autism / Asperger’s diagnosis, and how it relates to my life up to this point. I’m facing some pretty significant personal challenges, some of which will likely be with me for many years to come. And I need to figure out what that means, as well as how best to deal with them. This all takes time. It takes processing. I need to watch out for myself.
At the same time, I have a number of word-and-concept heavy projects I’m working on, and I need to pace myself. These are so, so important to me, as an extension of myself and my sense of where I am in the world, as well as why I’m here. It’s central to my life, central to my own personal passions, and they give me an outlet for the sides of me I cannot — even dare not — “indulge” when I am out in the non-autistic world. I need to build out my own internal space, my own ideal projects, so I need to pace myself and figure out a good balance that won’t fry my ever so sensitive system. It can be done. I just need to be smart about it.
Also, there is a whole lot going on with me that I cannot put into words. Pictures work better. So much better. They say things I would love to be able to express in writing — especially here — and I also need to give that side of me free rein. Let it go from a controlled canter to a full gallop. Set it free, and say tons of things with images and colors and light that I can’t even begin to express by putting letters together. This blog is a great place to do that.
So, I shall post pictures.
I will reblog and share words from others, so there will be some words emanating from here. But not so much from me, personally. More from others.
Non-verbal is my default state, and I’m done with overriding it. There are many things about my autistic self that I’ve been overriding for an awful long time. So, I’m going to give them a chance to “break out” and do their thing.
For the rest of this month, anyway 😉