Aspies without pattern confirmation – flying blind

Picture of newspaper with crossword puzzle and glasses and pen lying on top
Without patterns, we can’t see the world around us properly. And everything is a big-ass puzzle we can’t seem to solve.

I’m a little bummed out today about not having a formal Aspergers diagnosis. I’m actually pursuing that, but it’s been stop and go… and part of me is thinking, “Why do I even need a diagnosis, if I’m not going to access services?”

But having an official diagnosis would be independent confirmation of what I’ve pretty much known to be true for the past 18.5 years, and it would give me a starting point and a context to discuss my issues with another human being.

The main thing about getting a formal Aspergers / autism diagnosis, is that it’s a validation of my thought processes around this “meta-pattern” I see in my life. Aspies are hard-core pattern thinkers. It’s how we approach the world, how we deal with our environment, how we understand the world around us.

It occurred to me this morning that pattern thinking is very much like a separate sense for Aspies — it’s the very way we access the world. So, denying us a formal diagnosis is like refusing to get corrective lenses for someone who is near-sighted, far-sighted, or just plain needs them to see.

Yes, that’s exactly how it is for me. Without patterns, I am “flying blind”, so to speak, and before I had a full understanding of my Royal Aspieness, I blundered through a lot of stuff. I made a mess of things. I still do, when I lose sight of my Aspieness and try to live like a “regular” neurotypical person.

So, yeah, it’s important to have at least a provisional diagnosis that offers a way to frame your life in meaningful ways. Without that understanding, without access to that meta-pattern, everything is so much harder, so much more fuzzy, so confusing.

It’s literally like needing glasses, but not having them.

I’m so pleased with that analogy, it’s really perked me up. I don’t feel quite as bleak as I did, an hour ago.

So, whether the diagnosis is self-determined or an official DX from a qualified provider / professional, an understanding of your issues within the proper context makes all the difference in the world.

Now, if I can A) get a trained professional to sign off on my suspicions, and B) find a therapist who can work with me 1:1 on my issues, that will be a couple of positive steps in the right direction.

It’s coming together… slowly but surely. But at least there’s progress.

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4 thoughts on “Aspies without pattern confirmation – flying blind

  1. ValBooklover

    Patterns is the way we access the world, without patterns we’re flying blind.
    This was a big insight. Thanks!

    I tried to get a dx and at different points and by different professionals, got: depression,OCD, bipolar disorder, depression, and plain old “you are just difficult”.
    I’m considering if this (trying to get a professional diagnosis) is worth the trouble and heartache. I still don’t know.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. VisualVox

      Thanks – this is an incredibly important (and painful) subject to consider. At least some researchers are starting to come out with more info about it. And late-diagnosed people are talking about it, too. Refusing DX to people on the autism spectrum is like refusing to get corrective lenses for someone who needs them to function in the world. It’s neglectful. It’s also clueless and a hurtful, with very little consequence for the ones creating the problem. Bummer…

      In the meantime till I get a formal DX, I’m just becoming as familiar as I can, with my own understanding of how I work, how my system operates best, and how to manage my issues.

      Finding the right professional is key, and it’s taking me a while, but I’d rather wait than deal with half-baked theorists who have no vested interest in getting in right.

      In the end, I know who and what I am and how my life goes. That will have to suffice… for now.

      Thanks again for writing.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Pingback: Wrong – wrong – completely wrong about #autistic women not needing DX – Under Your Radar

  3. Pingback: Protecting us from the hazards of #autism diagnosis – Under Your Radar

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