Lucky for everyone, my processing speed is slow, and my working memory is sh*t

smiley face in frowning crowd
It makes it possible for me to continue on without being in perpetual meltdown/shutdown

There’s actually something to be said for having slowed processing speed, as well as a proverbial collander for a short-term working memory. It keeps me from being in a perpetual state of high-alert battle stations.

I’ve come to realize, over the years, that a lot of people have been pretty mean to me. Supposed friends. Co-workers. Bosses. Family members. You name it, samples from each group — and more — have been pretty unkind to me. Teasing. Bullying. And just plain being inconsiderate and mean-spirited.

Meanwhile, I’ve gone along happily enough, not realizing the full extent of their incredibly stupid cruelty.

First off, I haven’t understood what they were saying to me, right away. My audio processing seems to be off, much of the time, as I walk around in a field of static, where everything is turned WAY UP without distinction. Plus, my sensory issues are pretty distracting, and getting them to chill out and not consume my attention takes a lot of processing cycles. So, I don’t have all the time and energy in the world to focus on what someone’s saying to me — or even realize they’re talking to me / interacting with me, to begin with.

Second, when I have managed to tune in, my processing speed has been slow, as I’ve needed to translate words into pictures, figure out what the pictures mean, translate them back into words, and then respond. It takes time. Sometimes a lot of time, depending on my energy levels and the amount of sensory input around me.

Third, my short-term working memory is not stellar. I’m highly susceptible to interference and distraction, which cuts down on the amount of energy left to encode memories and work with them. So, even the things that I do figure out, I tend to forget in the space of 15 minutes or so.

It sounds disabling, perhaps, but it’s actually buffered me from all the stupidity people are guilty of, sometimes without even realizing it.

I go happily on my way, regardless of the states of mind and heart of the crowd around me.

And that’s actually fine with me. Because engaging everyone in a dialog about what a sh*thead they’re being (inadvertently or otherwise) is a battle I don’t care to fight, each and every waking moment of my life. If I were instantly aware of what people were saying to me, and how they’re saying it, and I could piece together all the ramifications in short order, I’d be forever manning my own battle stations. That’s no way to live.

I’ve got better things to do. Like read up on medieval history and work on my writing projects. That stuff I do want to get into.

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