Aspergers assessment — too rich for my blood, actually

abstract colorful artwork from of lines and shapes
How I’m feeling, right about now

So, my Aspergian keen attention to detail, coupled with a completely lack of far-reaching oversight has stumped me, again. If I’d been looking at the big picture, I would have realized that my plans to get an Aspergers assessment were ill-advised. I simply don’t have the time and money for it.

I had an appointment lined for an Asperger’s assessment at the end of September. The cost was about $1,300 (give or take), and it will last for 5 hours, with a lunch break in between. My partner will need to be there, to corroborate my data, and at the end, I’d have an official diagnosis that’s valid and recognized — except for government support (which I don’t need, yet). If I plan to apply for government assistance, I need a medical or psychiatric or psychologist’s diagnosis.

I thought it was going to be fine, even though the person doing the assessment isn’t in my insurance network – and even if they were, I wouldn’t want insurance involved, because it can work against me on down the line and mark me with a “disorder”. Ah, the joys of “managed” healthcare.

But when I stepped back and looked at my finances, shelling out $1,300 for an assessment (while better than the $3,500 I’d have to pay for a medical/psychiatric one), is still too rich for my blood. I have been living paycheck-to-paycheck for years, now, given that I’m the sole provider for my household, and we had a bunch of medical bills and issues about 10 years ago that completely wiped out my retirement fund.

My retirement fund / safety net right now is about $3,300 — that’s taken me a full year to build up to. There’s other money in the bank, but we have a number of house repairs to do, and frankly, having no financial safety net at all (including no retirement savings) is something I need to remedy.

Do I slash my household’s safety net by nearly half, when I’m not even going to get anything from it other than possibly peace of mind and a way to cut to the chase in my discussions with mental health providers? Do I potentially jeopardize our health and safety and what tenuous security we have, just to have someone else in an official position tell me something I’ve been 98.72% sure of, since 1998?

Plus, do I tie up both my partner’s and my own full day — taking a day off work to use up a precious vacation day, and also disrupting my partner’s schedule and putting her through what would probably be a pretty demanding 5 hours of intense scrutiny? She’s going to be in physical therapy for mobility issues at that time, and that’s going to be consuming vast amounts of her resources — physical, mental, emotional.

This is the kind of thing you do if you’ve got time and money to spare, as well as a partner who’s comfortable talking about your “issues” — which she really isn’t. I mask and camouflage and blend at home almost as much as I do out in the NT world. I think it would frankly be a little too much for both of us, and it could derail us for days, if not weeks, as a result.

So, do I do this? Does the benefit justify the cost?

Nah. When I look at it from the high-level view and consider all the different factors, I can’t see the point. In the grand scheme of things, an official diagnosis will only help me if I need accommodations, and I don’t — won’t — need them for the foreseeable future.

Never mind all that. It’s deeply disappointing, and I did shed a few bitter tears last night. But I just can’t justify draining my hard-earned safety net (such as it is) for something that’s more along the lines of a curiosity-satisfier than something I require for my survival.

Now back to my regularly scheduled programming…

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12 thoughts on “Aspergers assessment — too rich for my blood, actually

  1. Disappointed for you. Validation is important but not at the expense of your security. Hopefully your 98.72% surety will still give you peace of mind even without the formal diagnosis. Maybe a different way forward will come to light in the future

    Liked by 2 people

    1. VisualVox

      Thanks 🙂 I’m thinking about other approaches, but pretty wiped out from the last 48 hours of thinking about it. Will come ’round to it again, sometime in the future, I’m sure. Just not yet. For now the 98.72% will suffice. Thanks again for your kind words.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This is such a real shame for you. I’d been really pleased to read that you might have finally found a way to get that confirmation, and I feel gutted that that’s now not going to happen as you’d envisaged.

    My issue with the NHS where I live is that I have such a hideously long wait until I’m going to be seen by someone (year from date of referral, so as I write I still have about nine months left to wait!). But at least I know that when time does finally come, my appointment will be with a qualified clinical psychologist and other specialists, it’ll be free at the point of delivery, and it won’t have any impact on my access to other forms of healthcare treatment. Managed healthcare such as is the system where you live really, really sucks. The whole thing must be so stressful.

    You have done so much research, and you have no reason to doubt that 98.72%. You have been thorough and exhaustive in your investigation, and you know yourself so well. But I still hope that maybe one day you’ll get that final additional peace of mind. xx

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    1. VisualVox

      Ah, thanks for your kind words. Yes, it is a shame. I’m still exploring other options, but I think it’s going to have to wait till I can get the money together and I can find a better time. I’ve been joking about selling a kidney, since I really only need one, and I can get $10,000 for a healthy specimen. But I’d probably have to use the money to fix my roof and remodel my bathrooms. 😉 So it goes. I have a “season ticket” for two kinds of lottery here, with some co-workers, so if our numbers ever “hit”, that’s another chance. But as you can see, realistically and in the real world I’m obliged to inhabit, things are a lot less amenable.

      A year’s time … what IS that? What purpose could that possibly serve? Is there such an intense backlog? What’s going on?! But at least you have access, even if it is off in the distant future. That’s something. And yes, “managed” healthcare is very stressful.

      Thanks again – I really have no substantial doubts about myself, tho’ of course there’s always that lingering sliver of a chance that I’m wrong (because it’s happened so often before). We’ll see how this goes. I might be surprised by a sudden twist of fate that goes in my favor. Or not. Either way, life goes on… 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Year’s wait? Yep, purely down to lack of resources/funding. Both the adult and children’s services are woefully understaffed. So there’s a HUGE backlog. I’ve asked to be listed for short-notice callback in the event of any cancellations, and am kicking myself because I had a missed call from an undisclosed number on my mobile, whilst I was in a meeting yesterday morning – heck, what if it was the service ringing me up about an appointment!?!? 😫 It’s only very reluctantly that I’ve accepted my own self-DX because of this long wait. I don’t like uncertainty, but I have to accept it for now in order to live authentically. It’s more problematic for my daughter, I think, although at the moment her education providers are really, really good at providing support in-house. Further down the line she’s definitely going to need something ‘official’.

        Hey ho. We carry on. All the best to you x

        Liked by 1 person

      2. VisualVox

        That’s so wild. And it seems like as much a matter of political will, as anything else. There just isn’t a compelling economic reason to help us, I guess. And how stressful, thinking that you might have missed that chance! Oh no… anyway, yes, we carry on. At least we can live our lives. That’s something, for sure.

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  3. oh good grief ! That is so crappy ! I’m sorry to hear this. Have you had a look at maybe Tanian Marshall. I know she does on-line diagnosis.. I don’t know whether that will be of any use to you or even if it’s cheaper. I know someone who went through her , I think it was £350. Anyway, I hope you get some hope soon xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. VisualVox

      Thanks for the info! I appreciate it. I’m taking a break from this for a while, to regroup. I’m sure there are other options… Just need to regain my strength 😉

      Liked by 1 person

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