I’ve been back-and-forth with regard to getting an official Aspergers diagnosis for a number of months. No, scratch that, it’s been a number of years. I’ve been 98.7% sure I’m on the autism spectrum since February, 1998… and in 2008, I became even more convinced. But through a series of oversights, errors, and a loss of nerve on my side (as well as deep concerns from my partner about being labeled with a stigma), I never pushed hard enough to make it happen.
Anyway, why did I need it? I was fine. I was doing okay, by pretty much all measures. And anyway, the issues that I did have — short-term working memory weaknesses, executive function problems — were being handled in conjunction with another set of health issues I had.
As the years have passed, however, I’ve been increasingly inclined to pursue an official diagnosis. And after talking with someone this past week, I think I may have a path forward that will get me a diagnosis, while not being “flagged” with insurance companies in ways that can deny me health coverage in the future.
So, I am moving forward with it. I’ve already sent an email to a provider I was told about, who specializes in assessments, as well as doing counseling with neurodiverse couples. I don’t know if I’ll be able to afford it, or if I can even manage to make it happen, but I’ve taken the first step. And we shall see what comes of it.
How did I get to the point where I’m actually pursuing this? Considering all the reasons I have to not get diagnosed, it seems… well… incongruous. But when I think about it, I’m not getting any younger, and it could be that I need some extra help and accommodations at some point. It will be easier to get diagnosed now, and just have it on hand for future reference, rather than wait till I’m in dire need and can’t piece two thoughts together.
If I get diagnosed outside of the insurance company structure, I never need them to find out about it. I just don’t know if I can afford it, is all.
But if I can afford it, the steps are attainable and manageable, and I can get my act together to move forward, why not?
Frankly, it will be a relief to have a diagnosis. That’s one less argument to have with people who are rigidly anti-self-diagnosis, in the end.