Well, how ’bout that… This blog has been registered on WordPress, now, for 8 years.
My, how things have changed.
In 2008, when I first started this blog, I was so excited. Enthused. Eager to share what I was learning about myself and Asperger’s. Looking forward to exploring how it explained so much about my life.
Then I got shot down by a handful of people, and the folks who nudged me towards acknowledging the “spectral” aspects of my personality faded into the woodwork, while the nay-sayers stuck around.
Perhaps to keep me in line. And make sure I didn’t embark on a journey they weren’t sure I could handle – or that I wasn’t justified in starting.
How much damage that did to my self-image, my self-esteem, my self-determination, I cannot begin to say. And while I did get help in roundabout ways, it certainly wasn’t pinpointed at my pervasive issues. It didn’t even acknowledge that those issues existed.
So, as always, I went back underground… to stay, I figured.
But life is funny. And eventually I got pushed out again into the light of day. It always seems to happen around this time of year, when my birthday peeks its head up out of the undifferentiated cacophony of sensory inputs that cover the landscape of my life… to give me pause, cause me to check on my progress, see where I’m really at in my life… and then the impulse sinks back down into the undifferentiated cacophony of sensory inputs of my life.
Back to business. Back to the way things have always been.
Except this time, it didn’t work that way. It didn’t work that way at all.
The impulse has stayed. And in fact, it’s more than an impulse. It’s like a piece of driftwood that washed ashore and became embedded in the sand of the beach… year after year sinking deeper and deeper under progressive layers of sand and sea grass and detritus the waves wash up.
Then along comes a storm.
And it washes away all the obscuring matter that have kept that proverbial driftwood hidden from sight.
You get older. Or you just get tired of covering up. Or you realize that you’re running out of options, and you may find yourself far more vulnerable in the future than you ever dreamed you’d be, in the past.
It’s there. And you need to deal with it.
So, you do.
The last eight years covered a great deal of my issues with detritus and the equivalent of sand and sea grass compost.
Look — what’s there?