So, I put together a timeline for when I “lived as male” and when I “lived as female”. And I thought about turning the tables again and going back to “predominantly male”. But that didn’t feel right. After some more consideration, I realized I really just want to be fluid — move back and forth between the two sides, and live in ways that are consistent with my “social goals”.
That means “suiting up” for work in women’s clothing, to make my interactions with people easier.
That means “doing the boy thing” when I’m doing heaving lifting and other physical labor.
Whatever works, in the moment when a certain dynamic is called for… I don’t need to box myself in and be binary about it. It’s not necessarily capitulating, as I’ve thought about it in the past. Some people are just more comfortable dealing with a certain type of person, and as long as I’m not kidding myself about being ONLY that person ALL of the time, it doesn’t have to be yet another case of me denying myself to blend in and pass as something I’m not.
I’m actually more all of the above, rather than either-or, and I can flow between them pretty comfortably — so long as I’m not stuck in one way only. And as long as I give free rein to the parts of me that need them, when they need them.
Seriously, the whole gender thing can be more trouble than it’s worth. Why not just flow with it and see what works best?
That’s what seems the most prudent for me, anyway.
Everybody else… do as you wish. Just don’t expect me to do exactly what you do.